Here's a complete non-story: Madonna swore twice during her post watershed performance that was broadcast live on BBC Three and Radio 1 as part of the station's Big Weekend in Maidstone.

So there were swear words in programme that featured a warning, and viewers got an apology anyway. Anyway, she's edging 50, and has to do anything she can to stay "cool" doesn't she?

Personally I think the real story was probably Madge asking the assembled Radio 1 listeners whether they were high. That seems to have drawn no press condemnation at all!

Overall, it was a pretty flat set - a couple of tracks from the new album and absolutely nothing older than music. When she started strumming Satisfaction on an electric guitar it was just terminally embarrassing. As Lisa Verrico, from The Times said, it was like "an embarrassing auntie desperately trying to be hip."

Incidentally, is it me, or is the Mail's recently revamped online offering a little off-message compared to the printed edition? Here's their shocked report of the short set replete with perhaps less than family friendly photos. And here's a photo of actress Natasha Richardson, along with a helpfully zoomed-in photo to illustrate the story.